Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
