will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
