Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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