Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
