just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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