I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
