Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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