My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
