I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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