What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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