I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
