Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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