I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
