Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
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