so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
