hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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