Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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