We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
