How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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