No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
