she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
