I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
