I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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