Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
