checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
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Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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