I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
