he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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