We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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