remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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