Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
