How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
