How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
