honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
