I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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