dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
