i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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