dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
and you fell through a lawn chair
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
