I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
