I think i peed on brittanys purse
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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