so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
