im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
