Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
There r osticjed everywhere
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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