Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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