i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
