Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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