Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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