capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
