just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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