Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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