If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
