She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
