I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
