So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
