he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
