My room smells like vodka and shame
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
