I think I died a long time ago.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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