I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
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like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Of course I have a pirate flag
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Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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