Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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