Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
