About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
