so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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