Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
