Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
