me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
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No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
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Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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