Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
