Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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