I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
