FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
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You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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