Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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