he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
