Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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