I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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