Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
