i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
