guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
