can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
