Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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