Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
