If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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