First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
