after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
